Women of Joy

Written by Candace Friday, 30 May 2008 00:00

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Have you ever noticed that in Christian culture, people seem to get married young? And that it's often assumed that you must be doing something wrong and aren't living in your calling if you’ve gotten past the age of 18, early 20s, or even 30s and still aren't married?

Maybe your circle of friends isn’t quite like that. But I'm sure that all of us have felt the pressure at one time or another.

I know I for one have gone through many discouraging moments, wondering why exactly God’s chosen to prolong my period of singleness past the age I'd picked (23) with no end in sight.

But thank God for His awesome presence at the place I spend my days working. He’s blessed me beyond reason by bringing women across my path – sweet, smiling, single women who’s faces literally gleam with joy & happiness (the picture doesn’t accurately depict just how far their grins stretch or how deep their inner beauty is). These women have lead me to believe that maybe just maybe, this period of singleness doesn't have to be a curse, it can be a gift!

One particular "Sighting of a Woman of Joy" occurred during a meeting a few months ago. Everyone was going around the room introducing themselves as the wife of so-and-so and/or the mother of so-and-so and it dawned on me that I had nothing to add to the expected "position & status" introduction by "I have a dog."

When it got around to one of the women, she loudly proclaimed that she was single, and she was happy! And as I looked at her face and saw it shining with joy, I realized she wasn't lying. That statement changed me. It eventually lead to this article as God put more Women of Joy across my path and I decided it was important to share their stories.

Many of them still hope to be married one day, but they’ve learned how to be content in doing God’s work in the here in now instead of focusing on the unforeseen future. That alone my friends, shows that it’s possible to be happy even if you don’t have a spouse or even a significant other in your life. Read on and discover how they've learned to be happy despite their circumstances!

How do you go from being a young woman with the normal dreams of a husband and a home to being a content 53-year-old single?

Be content with whatever you are and wherever God has placed you. This is the primary thing and it's really quite simple. Now, mind you, please notice I did not say quite “EASY”…just simple. If you are dating, be content. If you are not currently dating, be content. Alone, be content. In a relationship, be content. In other words, don’t spend your time and energy wishing for something other than what you have.

I know you have heard a jillion verses on why we should be content as singles, but the basic truth is this:  If we remember that God’s plans for us are ALWAYS best, it helps. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that His plans (or thoughts) for us are only for good  (OK, I had to throw in at least one Bible verse).

Learn to enjoy your own company. Learn to like and love yourself for who God made you and how He made you. Find things you can enjoy doing alone. There are some activities that I actually prefer doing on my own more than with others, like perusing museums, walking through the woods, driving through the mountains, or working out at the gym. I do enjoy the company of another on a hike or at the movies, but I can also do them alone. I love to have someone with me at the zoo, but I also love to go by myself to feed the giraffes.

Look for things to do with friends, male or female, without any expectations. I like to go to dinner with friends, go bowling, or play board games. The simple fellowship with members of both sexes enriches my life.

Have a wide range of interests. This keeps me from sitting at home wishing I could go do something and pining because I have no one to do it with. It helps keep me from coveting the relationships that others have and keeps me content with what I do have.

Waiting? Not really…Every season of our lives is preparation for the next whether we realize it or not.

Walk this journey with your beloved Father!
“God loves you more then anyone could ever love you!” We‘ve heard it said time and time again, but what does it look like to really know this truth and live it out daily? Discovering the deep love of our Father captures our focus. He knows the way we were created and He knows the desires of our heart. He is here to meet those desires. BUT we must not seek God just for the satisfaction He provides. We must seek Him for WHO He is - this is true love!

It’s ok to long to be loved.
There’s a deep longing, and sometimes it stirs so deep it physically hurts! “What’s wrong with me?” we may ask ourselves. We may even have people telling us, “Well, if you were walking with God through this, you wouldn’t be feeling this way.” Or, we think we have to be hard like a rock, and we call it “protecting ourselves.” NOT TRUE! We were created in HIS image, and guess what?!! He longs to be loved and pursued, just like me and you! He longs to have intimacy, like we do. We have been created in HIS image, therefore we can embrace how we’ve been created knowing that He understands.

When I had this understanding, I was no longer fighting with my own heart and emotions. I gave myself permission to feel and learn. Understanding that this is how my Heavenly Father feels, it stirred me to respond to this deep longing by running into HIS arms. Freedom comes when I embrace who I am IN HIM!

Don’t just wait!
This season of life is not for twiddling our thumbs. We are to live this season of our lives not just waiting but living! Others encourage us to be patient and the Lord will bring the right one around. I don’t discredit this wisdom but there is so much more to discover while we are “waiting.” I found so much freedom when I realized I could still live a happy, joyful life while being single. Be intentional about living every season to the fullest. Enjoy where you are today!

When we are waiting for something or someone, it seems to consume our thoughts, our actions, our time, our life. God put me in check at one time (He does that a lot). He asked me what my deepest longing was. Without even thinking twice my response was, “A soul-mate to serve with.” There’s nothing wrong with this, but then He asked me what is most valuable in life.  I stopped and thought...all I could see was the Cross, the picture of the price paid for me to know God's love intimately. I knew what the right answer was, but was I living it? No. My desire for marriage had covered my purpose for life. I realized then that I didn’t want to look back in 10 years and regret the times I was just “waiting.” There is so much life to live with God and others!

So, right now, I am not waiting. I am living! I do long to be loved, but this desire is not too big for my FIRST LOVE.

Someday I will take all that I have learned and continue to learn about love and life, and partner with someone to make a larger impact on this world together. I am excited for the day! But today is full of it’s own potential to love and serve others and I won’t miss the opportunity!!!

God thank you for your unconditional love. Teach me how to love. My heart is protected in Your hands. Prepare me to be everything you long for me to be. I am a willing vessel; use me as a tool in Your kingdom work. Help me to reach out to others. I never want my desire to be loved to be so big that I can’t see others hurting around me. Your Words are life!
As you can see by my photograph, I’m in the decade of life where the original color of my dark brown hair has been replaced with “salt and pepper.”

I want to tell you a story from my life and the profound effect it had on me.  It’s about a visit I made to a woman I became acquainted with from a Bible study group we had both participated in.

Carolyn was in her early thirties at this time, and I in my mid-twenties. As I greeted her and stepped into her apartment, it was clear that she was going through some difficult times. She had wanted to be a wife and mother ever since she could remember. It was her lifelong dream and she was certain God had made her for marriage. So, as she prepared to enter college, she chose a field of study that would provide her a good income to support herself until she married. Although she chose a lucrative field, it was a job that ultimately made her miserable and frustrated because it didn’t match her passions or her natural skill set. So here she was, ten years later with no husband in sight and daily involved in a job she despised. She was doubly miserable!

At the time of my visit she told me she had stopped reading her Bible. When I asked why she said, “When I open and start reading I soon find myself thinking, ‘Well God, You say You’ll do this or that, but You don’t mean it.’ I felt it was better to stop reading than to keep thinking these thoughts.” She had talked with her pastor multiple times, but nothing helped her overcome her sense of deception at not yet being married.

Ladies [and gents], my friend’s unmet desire for marriage and family had developed into full blown bitterness and rage against God! Why? Because Carolyn felt God promised her marriage, and so she based her life plans on a dream, not on truth.  Nowhere in the Bible does God promise marriage. But everywhere in the Bible He speaks of the critical importance of leaning the full weight of our being on Him. Otherwise known as trust, dependence, and faith.

I went home that day quite sobered and deep in thought. I could just as easily become another Carolyn! So, what could I do to avoid unwittingly heading down the same path? What was the truth that I needed to base my life on?

First, I looked at the dilemma from a practical standpoint. Okay, in Genesis 2:18 it says God designed woman to be a helper/partner to man. God has put this into the heart and the fiber of every woman. In light of my conversation with Carolyn I began to compile a list of possible applications of being a helper/partner in today’s world. I came up with things like nurse, teacher, social worker, admin assistant, realtor, counselor, and of course a wife! And I’m sure you could come up with a dozen more applications.

Next, I faced the knowledge that I, as a woman, wanted to feel special to someone, cared for, protected and provided for. How was I going to deal with that with no husband – or until God brought that special someone into my life? I decided to ask God on a regular basis for two things: 1. That He would show me what my true needs were vs. my wants. 2. That He would open my eyes to see even the smallest ways in which He met those needs and told me I’m special and showed me how He cared for, protected and provided for me. And my response as soon as I was aware of His interaction in my life would be to acknowledge His provision and thank Him.

I cannot tell you how much that frequent prayer during my quiet times raised my level of awareness of God’s care for me and how much it nourished a thankful heart and a peaceful spirit. Give it a try!

If I presuppose marriage is in my future, I’ve just put on the blinders that prevent me from seeing what God is doing beside me as we walk along together. Will you allow God to be the lover of your soul?

Ladies [and gents], singleness is as much a gift as marriage. Are you afraid you will be missing out by not being married? If so, do you realize that following that statement to its logical end implies that God is not a God of justice?! But if you believe God is just, that means He will not shortchange you from any joy or any growth experience, regardless of your marital state. The context, circumstances and situations will be different, yes. But God’s greatest interest is in allowing the fullness of who He is to be expressed through us, and He is totally capable of accomplishing that through marriage or through singleness – but only in those who are willing to submit to His work in their lives.

“For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; he bestows favor and honor. No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11 This is the truth!