Maria and Antti Kettunen: First Kiss on Their Wedding Day
Written by Candace with Maria and Antti Kettunen Friday, 30 May 2008 00:00
THE RELATIONSHIP
How did you meet? How old were you at the time?
We both were on a confirmation camp in June 2002; Maria as a small group leader (and a worship leader) and Antti was invited during the camp by the camp leaders to participate as a full time worship leader. Maria joined the camp band to sing with Antti. Maria was 18 and Antti 21 years old.
Was it "love at first sight?"
No, not really, aside from the normal "noticing" each other we had no special interest on between us. At the end of the camp Antti asked Maria to join his active band because he needed a singer.
How did God develop your love story…what happened after you met what lead up to your engagement…?
First the band was a good reason to stay in touch but after a while we found ourselves sending long e-mails to each other every day. We lived in different towns, about 25 miles apart. Needless to say, our feelings for each other began to grow. After seeing each other amongst the band Antti told Maria about his feelings. Maria agreed that she also had the same feelings for him. It was that night at Antti's apartment that we decided to get to know each other as friends. We made it clear to ourselves that we were only friends in every manner until we felt we were ready to start "serious dating". After couple months of intense prayer and getting to know each other, we felt that we were ready for the next stage.
A: One day I was visiting Maria at her home (she was living with her parents at that time) and we were praying together. During the prayer and worship time, I felt something just clicked... I felt that nothing more was needed to start our "serious dating."
M: Antti shared with me what he felt during the prayer time. I felt the same way too but we still wanted to wait few days just to make sure that it wasn't a wave of feelings. When I was dropping Antti to the bus, he said that he wanted that our relationship involved no kissing. We had already discussed it before but I was shocked that he was REALLY ready to make that kind of decision! I actually was quite mad about it. I prayed God to change either my or Antti's mind. Actually, I didn't care which way it would go; I just prayed His will to be done. Next morning I woke up and my mind was changed: I was thrilled of the decision not to kiss.
Were you focused on serving God, first, then each other?
Of course- Even during our time of "serious dating", we prayed that if our relationship would hinder God's plan in our lives, our feelings would fade away or that God spoke to us about it.
Was the purity path you chose influenced by parents, and/or was this something God revealed to you to do? How did you come to this decision?
Antti had gotten this spark for dating with purity from a book titled "I kissed dating goodbye", by Joshua Harris. One couple Antti knew had gone through their dating with the same principles.
A: That very idea of kissing my wife first time at the altar was just so exciting and godly that I wanted that with all of my heart.
M: God has put it in to my a heart long time ago to live a pure life. I didn't always act that way and most of the time I had no one to support me in these things. I wish there would have been more straight teaching about purity - more than just "sex belongs to marriage". There is A LOT between holding hands and having a sexual intercourse. Many young people may have the desire to do God's will but don't know where to draw the line. I think that was my problem when I was younger. By and by I learned more about pure life and I raised my standards.
How did you know you were meant to be married? Did God reveal Himself and His will for you through Scripture? If so, can you share that Scripture?
M: I believe that we get to choose anyone we like (1.corinthians 7:39) but it has to happen "in the Lord". We can't just wait for a voice to say: "You two, get married." We really need to get to know each other as persons and think if this is what we really want. There really was no huge revelation during our dating or preparation time. We felt unity in prayer and the time together. We felt that we enjoyed ourselves and we saw that our thoughts about many things matched. We also kept praying seriously that God would speak to us if this wasn't His plan for us. At the beginning I felt very insecure about us. After few months I noticed that I had a firm
desire to be with Antti no matter what. I think in that point I started to love him.
A: I was in India on March 2002. I went there to learn real missionary work, traveling and preaching in small villages, etc... It was during a 36 hour train trip that God spoke to me through a proverb.
Proverbs 31:10 says: "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.". I was praying in my mind: "God I need You so much!", and He said: "You need a wife!". :) Then he showed the scripture and said I'm going to meet her when I come back to Finland. That was quite a word for me. Especially because I was VERY careful of receiving any messages concerning my future wife. With that I was just making sure that my feelings wouldn't play tricks on me...Two months after that, I met Maria... ;)
M: I believe that God leads us when we pray and I also believe that at the same time it is our own decision to choose a husband or a wife. Then God blesses what we choose. And even after that we have to take care of the relationship and not just to lean on the feeling that we are right for each other. We have to take care that the person who is right for me now stays right! There is much more than just the "spiritual" side.
What did you do once you knew you were meant to be married?
A: I proposed to her.
M: I said yes and we decided the wedding day. This happened when we had dated for 11 months, in August 2003. We got married in December 2003.
THE KISS
Alright, so let's talk about the kiss...Who's idea was it to wait for your first kiss at the altar? How did you come up with this idea? Did God give you a particular Scripture on it? How did you both end up making the decision?
See above. :)
Did you have doubts about your decision? How did you overcome any temptations to lower your standards?
No, we didn't really have any doubts, but sometimes it was just so frustrating, because our flesh wanted to do things we had committed on not doing. But that's normal, ya know... :) At the beginning of our relationship, we made strict rules on what we are allowed to do and what we are not allowed. Then we both held on to those.
What type of physical interaction DID you have prior to marriage? At what point did you have this interaction?
M: After the "only friends"-part we were allowed to hug, hold hands and things like that. We thought that anything that causes lust or lustful thoughts goes too far.
A: We had to be extra careful on those situations where it was later night and we were both tired. With God's help we were able to make it through though.
M: Though I feel good about the pre-marital time we had I might put my standards even higher (for example no physical interaction at all) if I could do things over.
How did your friends and family react to this decision? How did you explain this decision to those who questioned you? Were you ever persecuted (made fun of) by others because of this decision? If so, how did you respond in a way that honored Christ and kept the relationship strong?
Our friends were excited and honored our decision. Antti's family weren't believers, so they wondered if this kind of relationship would hold. We never had any direct persecution on anyone's behalf, but we heard indirectly that there were some that didn't understand our decision at all.
M: When people asked why we made this decision I came up with these points:
- It might not be wrong to kiss but we want to do things as good as possible. We want to do more than what we HAVE to do, and this is the way we show it to God who we love. We can't deserve love with this but we can show how much we love him.
- This makes it easier for us to have a pure relationship. When you kiss it's natural to go further, if you don't kiss it's easier to draw the line.
- We think that IF we won't end up married there is no need for us to kiss. Then we can continue saving our kisses to our future husband or wife. And IF we end up married why can't we wait to kiss until then? I mean really why? We have the rest of our lives time to kiss each others. We can use the time now to get to know each other.
- We just felt we need to do this, and this is what we want. You better listen and obey if God speaks about something to you.
- And by the way, doesn't it make my husband EVEN more reliable if he can control himself and not to touch me, the woman he loves. If he can do THAT i believe he can be faithful and not to cheat with a strange woman. I mean I would trust him anyway, but this makes him even more reliable. I think it tells a lot about man's self-control.
Was it weird sharing your first kiss in front of a bunch of people?
A: No, I think it was just wonderful to share that moment with my closest friends. It felt great not only physically but also because the moment was made very special to us because of our choice.
M: I first thought was that it would be weird but it wasn't. It felt awesome to finally kiss each other! My topmost feeling was that I finally got to be with my best friend, and the audience applauded for us. :) Besides, if you don't want to do it in front of a bunch of people you can pass the kissing in the altar and wait for the hotel room when you're alone ;)
Was it worth the wait?
Both: YES, definitely!!
IN CLOSING…
Is there anything you would like to say to readers to encourage them in their walks with God, and in waiting for that person out there that God may have for them?
M: Seek GOD and you will be given everything you need. You may think that you can never find the right person because you haven't met him yet. Or you may think that nobody will be interested of you ever because no one have showed interest on you yet.. But let me tell you, there's no need for you to have every guy's/girl's attention. It will be enough that someday that ONE person and you find each other. So don't give up! Marriage can be such a great thing that you should just thank God for what's coming and be patience. And when you're a single don't use that time selfishly. Give God an opportunity to mold and change you and focus on serving him first, because you will never be happy with your spouse if you don't know how to be happy with God. Trust in God, it is all sooooooo worth waiting....!!! May God bless you all.
 Larissa Hine | |
| About the author: | |
| Larissa is 23 and lives in Massachusetts. She's currently between college and graduate school which she hopes to start in the Fall of 2008. She grew up a Christian and has gone through periods where she's been less serious or more serious though she's never fallen away completely. She usually has too many hobbies/projects going on. | |
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Holla,
Georgia