The (Not-So) Perfect Groom

Written by Meg Friday, 30 May 2008 00:00

It was my wedding day. All of my friends and family were there in support; the room was bright and full of flowers. The vows had been said and as we walked back down the aisle, arm in arm, I looked up at the man I’d married and whispered in his ear, “I really do love you!” His face was like stone: cold and unresponsive. The love in my heart was overwhelming, but his lack of…what was it, lack of love? Lack of care, possibly? Whatever it was it was intrepidly unmoving. 

This was the first of many of these dreams. I’d be getting married and over the moon with excitement and anticipation as my nonchalant future hubby looked as if everything in him had been erased and he’d been left uninhabited.

Five years ago as I gave my life to the Lord I made a deep vow to God to remain solely His until He was ready to let a man after His own heart win my heart.  Since that time God has allowed my vow of purity to be put to the test, and today as I look back over this journey I see how I allowed something so pure to become so harmful.

During my first semester of college I was excited to be out of the high school arena in which the pressure to date was unbearable. But it wasn’t long before a guy in one of my classes began pressuring me to date him. He continued to pursue me throughout the entire semester and into the next. I had never experienced a test this…persistent!

Time after time he asked me to date him. At first it was just slightly annoying, but later as he only pushed harder it became clear to me that he had no concern for my reason to not date him. He wanted to date me at any or all cost, and proved no true affection for me. Then is when I allowed my purity to become a hindrance.

I fell into the false idea that I deserved a man who has been through the same exact things that I’ve been through so that he could truly appreciate my struggles and my purity! I became so specific of who my future husband had to be that I no longer trusted God’s choice and His plan in my life. My self focus became magnified and constant. My way of thinking became so diluted. I had built this perfect man in my mind and insisted that he be the only one I would ever even consider marrying. “He will NEVER have dated, kissed, or even looked at a girl for more than thirty seconds, because that’s what I deserve! I have never done any of these things…look how I’ve struggled…he has to be perfect or else he won’t understand how much of a gift my purity will be to him!” I know…twisted thinking, right? Thanks to Jesus Christ for His patient grace and desire for us to be whole, He’s changed my thinking.

As these strange dreams that I’d been having became more and more recurring I began to wonder what they meant. Why was I always dreaming about my wedding day being such a train wreck of mixed emotions and feelings?

After my latest of these dreams I turned to a close friend for help. She told me that another of our friends could interpret dreams and asked if she could tell him about these dreams I’d been having for years. He interpreted it as the man I marry, though he loves me, will worry about his ability to be a good husband to me, and he’ll also be worried that he won’t be able to give me what I deserve. My first response was, “Great! He’s not going to be perfect!”

I tested the interpretation, and asked for God’s confirmation. It wasn’t long before God confirmed this to me. What God taught me from these dreams was that I had put more trust in myself and in my own ability to be “super pure” than in God. In fact, I had allowed my purity to become a secret weapon of self destruction. Creating my own “perfect” man made me lose focus of God and His amazing faithfulness to provide. I spent so much time dreaming about the most pure, perfect, and totally imaginary guy that I put God on the back burner. My purity was no longer a sweet aroma to Jesus, but it was the obstacle in our relationship.

I now am on the road of Trust. I trust Jesus Christ with all that’s in me. He knows my heart, my passions, my purity, and my reason for purity, and He’s not going to ignore them. He will honor those desires which are pure and of Him. I believe that on my wedding day I will be joined with a man after God’s own heart, regardless of his past. I no longer look at the path of purity itself, but I look at the end result; the present relationship with Jesus Christ. Marriage is not built on perfection, but on the imitation of Christ’s commitment, love, and grace for the church.

I encourage us all to question our motives today. Has our motive for living a life of purity changed since we first started this journey? Have our standards become more important to us than trusting God? Let’s lower our egos. In fact, let’s bury our ego and walk in faith, knowing that God will bless our choice to be pure. He will help us when we’re pulling our hair out, and He will guide us when we think we’ve reached the point of no return. We’ve all had tests, we’ve all failed at some point. But it’s not too late to trust God and move ahead with pure motives.